The Perks of Humanity
by jjscm01
Summary: As Darla struggles with her returned humanity, Lindsey offers her some comfort.


**A/N:** Set during the episode "Darla" (alternate version).

...

He takes her back to his place. He doesn't know what else to do. He doesn't want to take her back to the apartment Wolfram and Hart are putting her up in. In his mind, he can still see the broken glass everywhere from where she had smashed all the mirrors. Of course, the firm will have had that cleaned up by now, but still, he doesn't want to leave her alone. He's afraid she might hurt herself again.

He can understand her not wanting to look at her reflection in a mirror, now that she has a reflection again. He often feels like that himself.

When they get back to his apartment he locks the door from the inside, just in case, and tells her to make herself comfortable. She wanders around, looking with interest at his possessions, the same way she did in his office when they first brought her back.

Darla. The name alone does something to him, just thinking it, feeling it on his lips. She makes him feel things. He's been empty inside for a long time, probably ever since the deaths of his siblings when he was just a kid. He had worked hard to get out of poverty, getting into law school and being recruited personally by Holland Manners. It had seemed too good to be true because it was. But by the time he realised that, he was in too deep.

Helping Angel save those kids from the firm had been one thing. Walking away from the firm completely had been another. After all, he had nothing else in his life. Until now.

At first, she had just been a tool to get to Angel. He'd wanted revenge for the loss of his hand, for the condescending way Angel treated him, like he was beneath contempt, when Angel had killed more people directly than Lindsey could hope to in a lifetime.

He wonders what Holland would say if he knew how attached Lindsey had become to his 'project'. Maybe he already knows. Maybe him falling in love with Darla had been part of Holland's plan all along. He finds that he doesn't care.

He calls for takeout, which arrives quickly, making Darla jump at the buzzer sound. "It's okay, it's just the food," he tells her as he answers the door, ready to pay in cash. Darla nods and settles herself on the couch.

The guy at the door is the same one who usually delivers to him and they talk for a few minutes, Lindsey giving him a big tip. He always makes the effort with people he knows earn much less than him. It's a small thing but it makes him hate himself a little less. Lilah would never bother, he tells himself.

He locks the door again and carries the food through with one arm. "One of the few perks of being human," he tells Darla as he sets the boxes out on the coffee table. "Chinese food." He fetches a couple of plates and spoons some food out for Darla before sitting down and helping himself.

"Thanks, I'm starving," she says, inhaling the scent coming off her plate. "Don't worry, I won't bite you again," she adds. He smiles, acknowledging the moment in his office earlier. The marks from her blunt teeth in his neck will take a few days to heal. It was worth it.

"God, that's good," she says after the first bite.

"Try this one." He pushes another dish towards her and she takes a spoonful. "Orgasmic," she confirms.

They eat the rest of the meal mostly in silence, occasionally sneaking glances at each other. He finds it hard to keep his eyes off her. He can't understand how Angel could have been with this woman for over 100 years and never loved her.

"So what now?" she says finally, when she's nearly finished.

"What do you mean?" He pauses with a mouthful of chicken to his lips.

"What's next in Holland's plan?" she clarifies, and he feels a flicker of disappointment that she's not talking about them, about whatever their strange relationship is. "You didn't bring me back as a human just for kicks."

He hesitates. "I really don't know," he says honestly. "They don't tell me everything. I just follow orders." It sounds bad even to him.

"But whatever happens." He reaches out for her hand and she lets him take it. "I promise to protect you from Wolfram and Hart." He means it, even if it gets him killed.

He withdraws his hand and they both finish what's left on their plates. He takes the dirty dishes into the kitchen and washes them up, putting the leftovers in the refrigerator for another night. Then he makes them both tea, although he's not sure how she likes it.

As it turns out, she's already asleep when he returns, curled up on his couch, looking pale and vulnerable. He covers her with a blanket, then sits opposite and watches her sleep, listening to the reassuring sound of her breathing until tiredness overtakes him and he closes his eyes.


End file.
